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Putin will let Snowden stay – he loves this! But Edward “mouthful” Snowden has to STFU. Yeah. Like that’s going to happen. But I digress.

Edward dear, let me translate for you since you are stuck in idealist-land. Translation – Russia has your NSA secrets. That’s all Russia cares about.

So shut up kid! Russia has no legal curbs at ALL on surveillance. All Russia wants is to know what the Americans are doing and how so Russia can leapfrog them. Time to come down and live in the real world honeybunch. Snowden-land is not the real world.

Fact – you have plowed the sea laddie. So take the offer. Go on a train trip. Meet a nice girl. Make the best life you can. Russia is a huge country.

Go visit the grave of Anna Politkovskaya laddie. I know she was before your time. You may not know who she is. But she got lots of journalism prizes.

If you can keep your nose clean, you will do great. If you can’t?

Seriously laddie. If you can’t shut up then mosey on to Iceland. Or approach the German Embassy. Ask them to get a special law passed exempting you from extradition to the United States. That might work.

Or head on over to Iceland. If they’ll have you…

And think about this Edward. Correa backed off. Note when that happened. I know the Western press blames it on a phone call to Joe Biden. But that never stopped Correa before.

Know what I think kiddo? I think Putin leaned on Correa. That’s what I think.

As long as you are in Russia, you will need to quiet down. Trust me, this is not the country you lived in. It’s not an Ayn Rand novel. It’s Russia. If you dig in, it’s a great place, but it’s like walking through the looking glass in Wonderland. It really is.

And son? Don’t think you can live the rest of your days in Leavenworth. Forget it. Russia is way better.