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Fuck the poor!  Matthew 25:14-30  For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away.  Hooray! Fuck the poor! Screw the middle class! Take from everybody and give it to the rich! 

If you give me six lines written by the most honest man, I will find something in them to hang him. Cardinal Richelieu said that. Just so, right wing republican so-called christians, have hung Jesus with a line attributed to him.

Seriously, these dickheads[1] cite Jesus as their authority for stealing from everybody and giving to the rich.  I just went around with one of them. What the are really doing is hanging their savior in order to justify their love for the sociopathic world advocated by Ayn Rand.

In reality, the Parable of the Talents is the most remarkably sophisticated of anything in the bible. We can understand this with just a few more lines around those the dickheads crucify their beloved Jesus with.

He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Jesus commands, ‘You should have given it to the bankers!'[2]  There were three servants, but this third one – he was a hoarder. Today, a man might put his money in a mattress, or a jar, or bury it. The talent is not taken from him just to enrich men already rich! His one talent taken because he harmed the local economy by removing money from circulation! Consequently, he deserved to be stripped of all he has and thrown into outer darkness! I know of nothing that Jesus would punish so severely – not in this life. 

So the point of this parable has absolutely nothing to do with fucking the poor, the middle class or anyone else. It is entirely in agreement with everything else Jesus said about helping the poor, and being kind. The parable of the talents says that the worst thing a man can do is take money out of circulation. If it is given to bankers, then others can make use of it. And that is absolutely correct, because if the economy is shit, the poor are really and truly fucked.

It took nearly 2,000 years for economists to match this directive’s economic sophistication, and they still can’t match it for simplicity and motivational power.

1. I apologize for insulting penises. They aren’t bad things at all. But it’s a colloquial expression that means “outrageous idiot who just won’t shut the fuck up” and we are stuck with it. It also means someone in Dunning-Kreuger land.

2. Of course, one could posit that the parable of the talents was a cynical and self-serving ploy by a rich asshole banker to get the stupid peasants to let him use their money to get rich. But, that would mean that Jesus was a rich asshole banker – which isn’t particularly credible. Another hypothesis could be that Jesus didn’t ever speak the parable of the talents at all – some rich asshole banker got it stuck in the bible, perhaps by bribing an abbot or something. But the provenance of the tale appears to predate the invention of banking as we know it. It also appears to predate the invention of abbots within the Christian church. So, unless there is other information somewhere that tells us something like that happened, Occam’s razor leaves us with this passage giving instruction that accounts for velocity of money in an economy. And that is remarkable. The more one learns about economics, the more astonishing it is that this little parable exists.