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Oh, the Syrian humanitarian-ity! Who the fuck thinks that this pressure to war in Syria has nothing to do with the scrabbling hands of defense and intelligence contractors desperate for a new theater of conflict? 

Let’s ask: Which side are the Damascus civilians are on in this civil war? Well, d’oh! Damascus is the capital of the Assad regime. Those civilians who died are Assad loyalists for fuck’s sake!  Their job for the rebels is to be human shields. Yes, I’m sure the rebels imported some fake fuckers to introduce to the news media and inspectors. Put yourself in the shoes of civilians in a suburb overrun by fuckwads with guns who want an excuse to kill you. These rebels rape your wife and daughters with the blessing of their imam. Yeah. Great guys. These are guys who gang-bang non-muslim girls if they find them. So, holy shit! If a bunch of stooges are introduced to the inspectors and to journalists, are you going to run out there in the street and tell them?

You’d get to watch your family skinned alive while being raped – hooray for you! You would be forced to eat your own testicles before they left you for dead – even better! But best of all? Your message would be totally ignored! It would make no difference to the USA’s whore-media, owned and operated to cozen the American people with bullshit. So, it is like, “What to do?” Should daddy, “do the right thing?” or should daddy say, “Fuckit” ? You decide. (American press mo-rons. Yeah you.)

Anyone who thinks these rebels, who gleefully eat human flesh on camera, are incapable of gassing innocent civilians (loyalist civilians – remember that this is Damascus) in order to win their civil war is a motherfucking idiot. For the rebels, the kill ratio is like, totally awe-some!  They lose not a single man at arms!  Their risk adjusted return on investment for murdering civilians who don’t like them is — excellent! All upside! No downside! What could be mo’ bettah?! It’s even halal to be a cannibal! (that means approved by an imam). It’s just like Jamie Dimon’s gaming of banking! (Just a bit more bloody dude, that’s all. Although – I rather think the body count for the global financial crisis was higher than that of the Syrian civil war.)

Previous investigations have turned up interviews and evidence that the rebels gassed civilians themselves. So why is that a red line that nobody gives a fuck about? Flush it down the memory hole! Con the American public – again! Insurgents can use Sarin! It’s ok! They are allied with Al Qaeda! So it’s alright!

The rebels have threatened to attack with chemical weapons before. Only a wack-job or a sellout asshole thinks we should take up the cause of our sworn enemies who attacked us on our own soil.

But that is exactly what we are doing. So why? Oh little town of Washington, how greedily I see thee lie! Evil fucks that you are, this Syria business is evil wrapped in a shit burrito, smeared on the graves of those who died on 9-11.

How about this you swine? How about if those rebels rape your daughters and gas you in your fancy K Street offices while claiming the Marine Corps did it? Talk to Rick Santorum. Rape brings these gifts from the lord! Get your daughter in line! Rebels are standing by! Just air-drop the little broad into rebel positions. Put a cross around her neck, gag her and tie her hands behind her back for better performances. 

What about this?! How about if they put your head on the grill dude? Sound ok to you? [1] Drop in, unnounced! Bring your family and all the sidearms you dare! Even better, bring a whole gang of’em over in a secret plane. Give them the mission to try to behead your ass in your office. If they succeed? You won’t know! Yep. 

Yeah. I thought not. But that’s the side you are advocating for!

John McCain? Either you’re a senile old jackass (which your nomination of that gleeful know-nothing Sarah Palin strongly suggests)  or you’re a corrupt swine. Which is it?  You gonna tell us John?

1. For those sarcasm challenged dim bulbs in the Secret Service, FBI, DOJ, or other law enforcement agency, the references to K Street lobbyists’ daughters getting raped and their heads on a grill for cannibal feasting is – sarcasm. For those who can’t comprehend wit, nuance or irony, I am using sarcasm to make a point.[2]

2. Seriously, Mr. Holder, the people who should be threatening those treasonous bastards on K Street is you. But I am well aware that our milquetoast president is deep in the pocket of lobbyist interests. So he will protect them just like he protected the criminal bankers on Wall Street who created the global financial crisis. But make no mistake, those K Street swine pushing for Syrian intervention behind the scenes are traitors deserving of prison time for this.