“Apple is kicking our ass! This is intolerable!”
“That’s right boss, one product alone has more revenue and profits than all of Microsoft.”
“What product is that?!”
“It’s called an iPhone boss.”
“We must compete! We must fight! We will win! Fight team fight!”
“But boss. We don’t make phones.”
“So?! We have companies that buy Windows CE to put in phones! How are they doing?”
“Sucky boss. Customers think our phones are great to use, but we always are 2nd or 3rd to market with features. You know, like remember how Windows CE 6.0 separated text messages into an inbox and outbox so nobody can see the conversation?”
“What? We don’t do that anymore?! But that’s how email does it!”
“No boss. No, we don’t. Yes, that was a great idea of yours, I agree. It was just in the wrong century is all.”
“What’s our market share?”
“Um, it’s, um, well … in the USA? Or elsewhere?”
“Stimpy! Spit it out man! In the USA!”
“Um, 3.5%.”
“So what are we waiting for?! Get ‘er done!”
“Get what done boss?”
“Renovation of Windows for PC! Change the paradigm!”
“But, how? What are we supposed to do different, boss?”
“Make it like iPhone!”
“But it’s not a phone.”
“It’s the new paradigm! See how I can say paradigm?”
“Yes, boss. But Apple has patents on that.”
“So make it like the iPhone but different! See? I’m decisive!”
“But how come Apple isn’t using iPhone style interface for its computers?”
“Because Apple isn’t run by geniuses like me! Genuflect my minions!”
“But can we at least fix the Windows Explorer search function so it’s not some bizarre code cooked up by some programmer in the back room?”
“That was me! Guard! Off with his head! Off with his head!”